Can we stop with the Kale propaganda?!

Can we stop with the Kale propaganda?!

– Can we stop with the kale propaganda? (applause) That stuff tastes like bug spray. (laughter) I was looking at a can of
bug spray, it said made with real kale. (laughter) But that’s the latest health trend, there’s a new one every six weeks. When I was a little kid, cottage cheese, cottage cheese was considered healthy. My mom and my sisters,
“We’re being healthy by eating this tub of cheese curds.” (laughter) ‘Cause to be thin you eat
things that look like cellulite. (laughter) Remember when pita was healthy? Pita’s not bread, it’s
from the Middle East. (laughter) Take cheese, bad for you,
put it in pita, it’s okay. (laughter) That’s why when I smoke
crack, I do it on pita. (laughter) We’re still in the
middle of the wrap phase. Wraps are so good for
you, when you roll food, it takes the calories out. (laughter) It becomes a sandwich wand, tada! (laughter) No calories. It’s like sushi but not enjoyable. (laughter) There’s good fats and bad
fats, I like to think of myself as a good fat. (laughter) I did discover that I’m gluten free, anyone gluten free here? (cheers) Yeah, I was just kidding,
you’re communist. (laughter) Obviously people that are gluten free are like any other American except for they’re allergic to wheat. The amber waves of grain. (laughter) Doesn’t mean they don’t
love their country, just means they can’t stomach
the purple mountains majesty. Those are the people we should
be screening at airports. (laughter) Are you gluten free slash a terrorist? (laughter) I don’t judge, I report, you decide. (laughter) There’s a new milk every six weeks. Oh, you shouldn’t be drinking cow’s milk, don’t drink cow’s milk. You should drink soy milk. They discovered soy milk’s all estrogen. You should drink soy milk unless you want to have
sons with testicles. (laughter) Or you could drink rice milk, and they discovered drinking rice milk is like drinking carbs. Or you could drink almond milk
because almonds make milk. (laughter) Unless you have a nut allergy, then you could drink hemp milk which is like a nut-free
almond milk made from rope. (laughter) Or you could try this new
milk that’s called cow’s milk. (laughter) It’s big in Europe. (laughter) But really this is the kale era, right? Kale is a super food and it’s
special power is tasting bad. (laughter) It’s inedible. All you have to do is freeze dry it, cover in cayenne peppers,
put in the shake, and bury it in the ground. (laughter) Kale is so good for you. It’s like a really
bitter spinach with hair. (laughter) Kale is so good for you. They could find out kale cures cancer and I would still be like I’m
just going to do the chemo. Alright? (laughter) I’ve tried the kale. (applause) Haven’t we evolved as a
species so we no longer have to eat things like kale? (laughter) You know there were cavemen,
“One day son we no longer forage through weeds.” We eat porterhouse steak
and no longer sound like cookie monster. (laughter) Now we go to yum-yum donut. (laughter) Kale, I just can’t
stand the kale bragging. “I just had some kale.” No one asked you. (laughter) People talk about kale likes it’s a band. Have you seen that new album by kale? (laughter) I was at a school event because
I have a thousand children (laughter) and one of the mom’s was nice
enough to make a bean soup so I went over and I tasted it and I said oh this is very good. And she leaned forward and she goes, “I snuck some kale in there.” And I wanted to throw the bowl at here. (laughter) ‘Cause she was trying to
impress me with a vegetable. Oh, wow! You smarty! (laughter) But you know what I blame Whole Foods. I do. They’re just bored at Whole Foods. They’re like, “What else
can we sell these idiots?” (laughter) Just give me a plant. Not that one, that’s poison ivy. (laughter) Wait, can we make milk out of that? (laughter)

100 thoughts on “Can we stop with the Kale propaganda?!

  1. Kale really is like crunchy plastic wrap. It should say something when people start calling garnishes "health foods".

  2. I got busted at a grocery store for trying kale. Actually it was for opening a bottle of mouth wash to get the taste out of my mouth.

  3. Cow's Milk literally has 1000's of times more bioavailable estrogen than soy milk.Because pregnant females tend to be full of hormones.

  4. What bugs me is when people say coconut oil is healthy when it is probably the worst for saturated fats lol not exactly heart healthy

  5. Theres no such thing as soy milk. Its soy juice if you think about it. But soy juice sounds disgusting so they decided to market it as soy milk.

  6. Now that John Pinette is gone?…Jim is the new food/ fat guy comedian❤️?.. long live the new ? king?

  7. I love Kale, curly Mustard, broccoli, and cauliflower. My wife hates greens. His routine is very funny.

  8. It is funny because in my country northern part people will eat kale 7/24 and it is considered like them Being Cheap for rest of country plus eating that much kale would develop serious Tiroid problems.just saying

  9. Cook kale the southern way by braising like collards and you will love the taste…..I kid you not?

  10. 3:05
    "We can find out Kale cures cancer and I'll still be like I'm just going to do the chemo." My favorite part of this video >__<

  11. I couldn’t agree with the wrap thing more. For some reason it is known as a heal5 food, yet it’s not really much better and could be worse depending on how the tortilla is made.

  12. "Wooo hooo! Kale! Get your oxalic acid and goytrogens and ruin your thyroid and get kidney stones, but don't worry it's just detox!" – vegans

  13. For a guy who doesn't want to be known as a food comic, he sure focuses on things that end up in your stomach a lot.

  14. You should look up German kale recipes. We put the kale in a pot with sausages, bacon, lard, smoked pork loin and some spices. Let it simmer for a few hours and serve it along crispy fried potatoes. My dad always says that you can tell the kale was good if the shit afterwards is shiny from all the fat. The kale itself still looks like shit, but tastes like bacon. Kinda. Now go out there and cook that healthy super food for your pretentious friends!

  15. I worked at a Mexican restaurant in the 90s and we used sprigs of kale as garnish to have something green on the plate.

  16. I think kale is delicious ? but I like garden weeds better and they are super tasty and good for you ?

  17. Do you know anythin about science, or are you just an idiot, with a a a humor witch so away off reality…

  18. People who can eat a salad made primarily with kale instead of lettuce are closer in comparison to war veterans than I ever will be. That stuff tastes terrible by itself, let alone in a salad.

  19. First, I HIGHLY dislike the taste of vegetables. A few years ago, I got a juicer and started drinking green juices with lots of Kale, a "superfood". It was like drinking liquid ass. What did (I) get for my effort? KIDNEY STONES, NO LIE! STOPPED the juicing, and after passing several, they stopped, THANK GOD!

  20. I love kale. We have an African dish with spinach. I hated the slimy texture but kale makes it so so so delicious!

  21. Kale (boerenkool) is a popular traditional winters food in the Netherlands. Cooked with potatoes as a stew, served with bacon or sausage. Great meal.

  22. My Mother in law fries kale in bacon grease, we grew it in our garden for our rabbit. She would come and pick it for her and her husband ? I don't know if she floured it or what! Not interested LOL

  23. Probably just haven’t been eating it right. If you cover it with butter and salt and then cook it till it charred and crispy it tastes delicious

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